


If I Had Known

by Clarke_kom_eden



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, F/M, Post 5x09, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Set around 5x13, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 09:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15264705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clarke_kom_eden/pseuds/Clarke_kom_eden
Summary: So I'm reeling from the wonderful angst of 5x09!Here's a Bellarke reunion fight, sorry, fic!Probably set around 5x13, ish.





	1. Chapter 1

Wonkru, Diyoza and her people, spacekru, Clarke, Madi, Kane and Abby, were finally a united army. Working together to take the valley back from McCreary and his men. And finally, amongst the chaos, Bellamy and Clarke were reunited for the first time since that fateful day.

The others cleared out, leaving Bellamy and Clarke to their showdown. They all knew what was coming. It began with picking apart what had happened. Bellamy had wanted to apologise for his part, but still did not believe what he had done was completely wrong, although he was sorry he’d hurt her. But Clarke still insisted it was.

‘Tell me Clarke? How is what I did to you any worse than you chaining me up and leaving my sister outside of the bunker to die?’  
'That was for the survival of the human race!’  
'So is this! There is one small piece of land that this war could destroy. You're not thinking with your head. If it were any other child, you’d have put the flame in them yourself!’  
Clarke reeled for a moment at the truth laid bare in front of her.  
'She's all I have. You know what that's like. The lengths you've gone to, to save Octavia. Even now, when you know what she's become.’  
'I poisoned her! I did that for you!’ Anger filled every inch of his body. How could she not see it. 'And you left me to die! After everything, you left me again!’  
Clarkes body trembled. In the moment she had left, all she could think about was getting Madi as far from Polis as possible. Despite what she’d known of Bloodreina, she still believed that Octavia would never kill her own brother.  
'I had to get Madi out. You put a target on her back.’  
'If you'd have stayed, the grounders would have followed her. The plan would have worked. You’re not in charge anymore Clarke, you don't get to make all the decisions.’ Bellamy was exasperated at her. Was she even sorry?  
'I don't want to be. I don't want to be anyone! I just want Madi safe, I don't care what happens to me!’  
'Well I do! You might not care if I live or die, but I will not grieve for you again!’ Despite how hurt he still was at her leaving him, it was not easy to put aside what he felt for her. It was impossible to forget that moment when he’d closed the shuttle door, leaving her to her fate. He became lost in his thoughts, when Clarke's voice interrupted them.  
'I care if you live or die Bellamy. I spent six years waiting for you to come back. But you're not the same person anymore.’  
'I became who I needed to be to survive. You used to trust that. And you're not exactly the Clarke I remember. The Clarke that was willing to make the tough choices.’  
She bit her lip. He had a point.  
'Aren’t you tired, Bellamy. Of always making sacrifices. I am not willing to bargain with Madi's life. I thought you of all people would understand that. I thought you were on my side.’  
'I’m always on your side. If you had been thinking clearly, you’d see that.’  
Clarke took a second to process everything that Bellamy was telling her. She had been so angry at him. Madi had told her over and over since that day that she had wanted to do it, to take the flame, to save Clarke, and that it wasn't Bellamy's fault. But all Clarke could picture was his stoic face as he had walked away from her, begging and pleading him not to do it. But now she’d had some time to think, the rational side of her did understand what he had been trying to do.  
'I shouldn't have left you, Bellamy. I was angry. Madi is my child. I trusted you with her life. You should have taken her and left.’  
'I wasn’t leaving without you. Maybe it was easy for you, but not for me.’  
'It wasn't easy! I regretted it the second I walked away but it was too late. Octavia had already sent her people to kill us, and I had to protect Madi! She's all I have left.’ Her voice trailed off. The loneliness of her situation consumed her heart. Her mother was a shell of herself, her friends unrecognisable to her now. Clarke watched as Bellamy rubbed his hands across his face, the way he always did when he was frustrated. So maybe some things hadn't changed.  
'She’s not all you have left, Clarke. You have me, if you’ll just let me in, trust me again. You don't have to do this alone.’ The reminder of the words he had spoken to her before, the first time she had left him, weighed heavy.  
'You have your family now. I'm not part of that.’  
He hadn't meant to imply that, when he’d told her of his plan.  
'You’re the heart of it. Everyday that I lived, up on the ring, I lived for you. I wanted to be the leader you thought I could be. The heart and the head. But it…’ He swallowed hard, the words catching in his throat. 'It was so hard to do without you.’  
Clarke was thrown by the emotion in his voice. She knew exactly how he had felt, because she had felt it too. As if a piece of herself had been missing. She needed him to know.  
'I called you everyday. I wanted you to know I was alive. That I was here, waiting for you.' Tears threatened her eyes.  
'If I had known…’ Bellamy stepped closer to her. If he had known she was alive, he was sure, he would have waited for her too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was going to leave it open ended, but I couldn't resist wrapping it up. There's Echo in this chapter, just to be upfront, I like her, so I've tried to be fair, but if you don't, that's fine too, just letting you know!

It was almost too much for Clarke to bare. To hear him say that, to even think about what they might have been. But so much had happened since then.   
With his body inches from hers, all her instincts told her to hold him. To feel his arms around her, to cling to him and not let him go.  
But had it all been too much? They had forgiven each other for so many things, so many betrayals, but this time, were they too far gone?  
'I’m sorry, Bell.’ She closed the last small gap between them, and placed her hand softly on his face. As she looked up into his eyes, she wondered if she deserved the love that she saw in them. 'But we can't keep doing this. We’ll end up tearing each other apart. When this is all over, we need to walk away from each other.’  
She was only trying to protect him from herself. She didn't trust what she was capable of anymore. She expected him to recoil at her words. To be angry. But he stayed exactly where he was, looking deeply into her eyes, and brushed the hair from her face.  
'That would be simpler, wouldn't it. If I could just walk away from you. It’s the rational thing to do. But you know that I can't. However messed up this is. It's you and me, Clarke.’ Tears streamed from her eyes, as he continued. 'I love you.’  
In that moment, all her breath left her body. She wept, sobbed, harder than she ever had. Her hands found his chest as she leaned on him to steady herself.  
'I…’ Her throat was dry as she searched for air, 'I love you.’ 

The smile that etched his face lifted Clarke's heart. 7 years she had waited to tell him. Ever since the first time she thought she’d lost him, how much it hurt, she had known what it meant, and it had terrified her. As her breathing evened out, she remembered the reality of their situation.  
'This isn't right though.’  
Bellamy understood, the sudden flash of guilt clawing at his chest. But ever since he’d found out Clarke was alive, he knew, despite trying hard to fight it, that this moment had been inevitable.  
'Can you wait for me Clarke? Just a little longer?’  
Clarke gave a small nod. She would wait for him forever.

Echo paced outside of the ship, frustrated.  
'We’re wasting time. We have a battle to prepare for.’  
Raven couldn't imagine how hard this must be for her.  
'I know. But it's important we’re all on the same page, just give them time.’  
'We are all fighting the same fight. Friendship shouldn't play into it. It's a distraction.’  
'They need to work things out…’ But Echo cut her off.  
'Why? Are we having intimate conversations with Diyoza? Working on our relationship? No. She is an ally in the fight, plain and simple. Tell me the truth, Raven.’ Raven couldn't give Echo the answer she wanted, so she said nothing, as Echo looked around at her friends. 'What about you Murphy? I can always count on you to be brutally honest. Why are we allowing this to continue? What are they working out?’  
Part of John wanted to be kind, and reassure her, but he knew what was expected of him.  
'I think you already know the answer to that, Echo.’  
She did. She wasn’t an idiot. But it still hurt all the same. Just as Echo was about to march inside and interrupt their reunion, Clarke and Bellamy exited the ship together. Echo stormed at Bellamy.  
'So all's forgiven? Just like that?’  
'It’s more complicated than that.’ Bellamy tried, but he knew Echo was right, there was no good explanation. It was Clarke.  
'She left you to die. It took you three years to even begin to forgive me, just for trying to save my people, for doing what I was ordered to do. She gives you a smile and everything's forgotten. I won't be put in the middle of, whatever this is, Bellamy.’ He finally met her eyes, ashamed of truth. She had done nothing wrong, and he cared for her greatly. But she wasn’t Clarke.  
'I’m sorry Echo.’  
Echo’s heart shattered as she realised, he wasn’t going to fight for them. She tried to keep up her hardened exterior, but her eyes betrayed her as she felt them sting. She shook it off.  
'We have a battle to prepare for.’ She turned to walk away, but Bellamy grabbed her arm.  
'You will always be my family, Echo. That will never change.’  
She knew he was trying to make it better, but it didn't help. Nevertheless, she was a warrior, and she would not stand for all of this tension going into a battle. They were on the same side.  
'You were the first people who believed that I could be more than what I was raised for. I won't forget that.’  
She meant it. No matter what happened, she would protect her family with her life. Bellamy dropped her arm, and they parted with a small nod to the other.

During the fight, Clarke and Bellamy had saved each other again. They had both thrown themselves into the path of danger to protect the other, and there was no doubt in their minds what they were willing to do to keep each other safe.  
As the others took shelter on the Eligius to recover, Bellamy followed Clarke to her home in Shallow Valley, so they could finally rest. This was where they were always supposed to be together, this was where Clarke had imagined them living, as a family.  
Bellamy shut the door behind them. Clarke was a few feet away from him, and for a moment, they just stared at each other. This was 7 years in the making, and he was going to savour every second.  
Clarke couldn't control the smile on her face. She had so much she'd wanted to tell him, about this place, her life here, but right now, she couldn't think of a thing to say.  
At the exact same time, they both moved towards one another, meeting in the middle, and threw themselves at each other. Clarke’s hands gripped his shirt, and Bellamy’s arms wrapped tightly around her back, pressing her body to his, as their lips finally crashed together.  
The kiss alternated from furious wanting, to a soft caress, as every piece of love, frustration, anger, desire they had felt for the other wound its way into it. They exchanged whispered, panting declarations into bare skin. I love you, I need you, I’ll never leave you again.  
After a while, as they lay together, Clarke finally took a breath, still clinging to him.  
'You know, we might end up killing each other.’ She half joked, but part of her also knew, it might be true. They were a wreck, and they would be the end of each other. But Bellamy only smirked at her words, and replied,  
'But God, what a way to go.’

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I know it's rough, I'm just venting my angst!!!


End file.
